Archive for the ‘Magic Cards’ Category

Wrath of God

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

So the Theros expansion block of Magic the Gathering was about Heliod, the sun god, recruiting the planeswalker Elspeth Tirel to be his champion. Xenagos, a planeswalker who had found a way to achieve godhood, was sowing chaos across the universe as a new god of destruction. Heliod’s godly power and Elspeth’s planeswalker power were enough to defeat the planeswalker god, and Theros was saved.

And then Heliod killed Elspeth. The official statement was that he was afraid that Elspeth might want to become a god too. Heliod is such a jackass, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that the official statement is a total lie. Heliod’s true reason is much more detestable.

It’s been said that God hates Cleveland.

That’s totally not true. Any city with Bill Watterson and Mike Polk cannot be hated by the Judeo-Christian God, or any other gods.

Now as for Cleveland sports

well, some gods hate Cleveland sports.

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Nice Boat

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

Today would be the perfect day for Diamond Faerie and her mother Frost Titan to debut on Lotus Cobra is Evil. But unfortunately, I was unable to come up with a satisfactory joke.

Instead, today we commemorate the demise of the Ship creature type, which now exists only in the joke set Unhinged.

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Jace vs. Vraska

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

When Jace was younger, he would sometimes dress in a non-traditional manner for fun. But now that he’s the Living Guildpact, a government official tasked with keeping the peace between the diverse guilds of Ravnica, he’s a lot more concerned about his image…

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Be Very Afraid

Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

That’s Color Pie

Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

Color Pie is the term used to describe the limitations of the five colors of magic, both for game balance and flavor reasons. If every aspect of magic is baked into a pie, each color gets only a slice of that pie.

A color can’t do everything well. For example, Green, the color of plants, can easily erode an unnatural artifact, but has problems killing creatures outside of head-to-head combat. On the other side, Black, the color of death, can effortlessly snuff out the life force of most living things, but struggles to deal with artifacts.

A balance has to be struck between using more colors to cover up their individual limitations, and using less colors to make it more likely to have the right lands for your spells.

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Yisan, the Wanderer Bard

Tuesday, July 29th, 2014


Official art by Chase Stone

I immediately snapped up 4 copies of Yisan, the Wanderer Bard when M15 came out. I built a deck where Yisan’s function is to search out a Satyr Wayfinder and fill the graveyard with creatures for Nemesis of Mortals and Undergrowth Scavenger. The other creatures in the deck are those that sacrifice themselves, like Renowned Weaver and Wall of Mulch.

The deck turned out not to be as strong as my current Standard deck, which is a G/W Aggro list with 4x Voice of Resurgence. In the death-filled world of today’s Standard I don’t think Yisan can be counted on to search out one creature, let alone two. This means Yisan isn’t getting to Verse 15, like, ever. Even in my imagination.

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World of Darkness

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

The current king of Magic The Gathering fan comics is Cardboard Crack. I don’t think any other Magic fan comic has three books published. A new strip is posted every day, and what it lacks in fancy drawing it makes up for with smart writing. (Whoever is drawing the comic actually does know how to draw – he/she just holds back most of the time, to save time.)

Will Lotus Cobra is Evil ever reach similar levels of success? It’s slower to update, isn’t as well written, and its humor is highly reliant on the audience getting obscure references.

So I’ll have to take things one step at a time. The first step is getting a book printed. That, at least, I’m sure I can do.

Anyway, these are the cobras of the week.

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The return of Lotus Cobra

Tuesday, July 15th, 2014

Oh hey, guess who’s back.

New cover
View the full cover art

In addition to making all-new Lotus Cobra is Evil strips, I will also be revamping old strips at the rate of one per week to make them more printer friendly. The changes are:

1) Screentones. No longer merely solid black and white.

2) No official art. Any official Magic art will be redrawn by me.

3) Hand-lettering. All text is written by hand instead of using fonts.

4) High definition. The files posted on this site may be the same resolution as before, but the originals have 250% greater dimensions for sharp printing.

So check them out every Wednesday, starting now!

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Karametra, God of Harvests

Sunday, February 16th, 2014

Sometimes it’s hard to find the Toho equivalent of a given Magic character. And sometimes there’s Karametra, God of Harvests.

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The Little Mermaid

Saturday, July 27th, 2013

“What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?”

How about a $50 mythic deer?

While I did go 2-2 at Friday Night Magic with my HAIL HYDRA deck, and while I did actually live the dream (once) by hitting with a 64/64 Hydra, I owed my match wins as much to the absurd power of Voice of Resurgence.